How Not To Learn Japanese
Efficacy is the enemy.
No, your shitty joke wasn't too soon. It just wasn't funny.
My Court Case in Tokyo
That time I sued some companies in Tokyo
The Divine Right of Black Panther
The movie was cool and all, but fuck monarchies
So you want in on cryptocurrencies?
Not doing it won't make you one with the universe.
Making Women Have Sex
The male myth that sex was their achievement.
How I Could Vote For Trump
I kind of hate the left these days.
Discovery and Race and Tropes
Star Trek is still addicted to progressive racism.
All you need to know about Bitcoin without any new words to confuse you.
I like feminism when it's sexy.
Do I fetishize high heels as much as I feel I do?
I Hate This Feeling
I turn into a misogynist every time a hot chick walks into the room.
She Cries Beautifully
What I'm thinking when I stop talking in the middle of a fight.
Standup Game of Thrones and Rape Culture
Another reason why so many jokes about rape fail.
Following the angels
My very specific and personal reasons for moving to Tokyo.
I think I fucked up my life.
The dating puddle
Things I've learned about dating twenty years too late.
A story about artificial intelligence, love, and authenticity.
My hack zombie apocalypse novel. Fuck it, it was fun to write. I hope you have fun reading it.
I eat my loneliness
What's a blog for if not to be embarrassingly revealing?
Who his daughter dates
Based on a real and random conversation with a guy about his daughter and age and dating and stuff.
The Charisma Man Reality
A little comic strip companion to the previous posting. The reality of guys who come to Japan expecting to capitalize on the gaijin fetish.
The Charisma Man Myth
The reality, racism, and human failings that are built into the notion that Japanese women go for gaijin guys.
Transmission to an ex
Stuff I'd say to an ex girlfriend if I were going to say them. You'd probably only want to read this if you like reading random things out of other people's diaries. Which I do, but it's not for everyone.
Running from my problems
I don't work out for my ego, I do it for my id.
Men faking orgasms and why one night stands aren't for me.
How Many Women is Enough
Like everything else, it's more about my fear of dying than my pursuit of sex.
A satire script I put together just for the fun of it.
My book about how I think humour is processed in the human brain.
That time I realized I was being a stalker.
Santa and paedophiles
That time I was on stage in front of a couple hundred paedophiles.
At the Bank
More diary-of-sorts about being Japan as a comic. This one is about negotiations. Or something. I don't know.
A story about building the perfect relationship.
Like A Virgin
Madonna, and how some laughter can stop you becoming funny.
The existential angst of a gang bang
I would definitely be having more sex if I thought less.
A very typical moment when living in Japan, at least for me.
They Were Coming
A story about choices in an absence of information. And aliens.
Boxes labelled dangerous
I'm learning more about how to break up with people, which might be solving the wrong problem.
Remember the term 'cyberspace'? No one seems to use it anymore. Anyway, this is a story set in cyberspace.
Shiro Kuma Kun
A day in the life of a polar bear living in Tokyo. A pilot of a web series that didn't get picked up.
Sentenced to Live
A science fiction story about immortality and prison.
Gordon at the Conbini
One of the comics that I did about life in Japan, this time in Japanese, because there was a time I actually wanted to do things in Japanese.
He Awoke From the Dead for the 13th Time
Probably the most hippy story I've ever written.
Why Self Publish
I've written a book called 'Your Mind is a Funny Thing', and while I'd like you to check that out, this blog entry is just some offhand notes about the decision to self publish.
Another comic about life in Japan. This time, an encounter at Narita airport.
Not an Atheist
Does being an atheist mean one has to be a dick about it?
A Bar Fight
Another episode in a comic diary of life in Japan, with a story that comes from comedian Cory Jarvis.
A short story about death, immortality, and continuity of being.
Wow - You Live in Japan
A short two panel comic about the Japan people think I live in.
How to draw hot babes and not be sexist. According to my mom.
A short story. I think stories are best without contextualizing preamble, so, check it out if you feel like reading a thing. Or don't. It's short, I'll tell you that much.
There was a time I considered doing a comic about my experience in Japan. I decided it wasn't worth it, but I did about seven or so, and I'm going to put them online just so the effort isn't wasted. This first comic is probably the most dysfunctional, referencing issues that no longer matter and events no one remembers.
Lessons from Louis
What Louis CK does that aspiring comedians should emulate.
Tears of an Orkan
A great comedian, and a common comedy myth.
What exactly is 'Japanese comedy'?
Volunteering in Tohoku
A diary of heading up to volunteer in the areas hit by the earthquake and tsunami of 2011.
What I learned when I asked why Japanese people generally have no trouble consuming milk products.
A Material Difference
How having more time on stage won't make you a better comedian.
Johnny the Infinitesimal Speck
Adventures in the 2nd dimension!
The Feeling You Choose To Feed
What if you never had to say goodbye, no matter what?
The Family In Japan
A whole new way to abuse children. Deny them the language of their home country.
What it feels like to be 40
Is being 40 the same thing now as it was in the past?
But I Got Laughs
The dividing laugh between a real comedian and just someone on stage being sometimes funny is determined by going beyond mere randomness.
Star Wars - Force and State
The real history of Luke's rise to power over his thousand year Reich.
The Science Of Hitting On Women
Sold as a science, bought as groundless hope.
Respecting the Stage
This should be really obvious, but for some reason it isn't. For some reason, lots of performers go on stage asking for the audience's time without respecting its value.
Falling Off The Edge
What I wish every open mike comedian knew before getting on stage. Especially the ones who aspire to be 'edgy'.
The Walking Dead - The Metacontextual Edition
March 11th And After
What it was like in Tokyo after the earthquake in 2011
There's a difference between private and secret.
Anti-virus Software is a Scam
Whenever you install new software it asks you to over ride it anyway.
Why Facebook Wants To Sell You Out
This article doesn't match the situation now, but it was true when I wrote it.
How to get rich by selling nothing.
The Vampires Have Won
A useful metaphor dies, but then refuses to lie still, instead carrying on as a harmful meme.
At Night When Death Whispers
When I realized I was supposed to be afraid of death, living with it became easier.
Avatar - The Metacontextual Edition
A satire script about a movie that should have had a script.
Adam Smith Wasn't A Capitalist
If Adam Smith wrote less about coins, he might be more known for what he thought sucks about capitalism.
Mind If I Stink
How is smoking even still a thing?
Open Letter to the Parents in Starbucks
Home is the locker room, Starbucks is the field.
Evidence of the Invisible
If it can't be described, is it supernatural, or just something we don't have a word for?
Seems like a cool thing to do, but, actually... meh.
How is it anymore right to categorize people into 12 months than categorize them by half a dozen skin tones?
SEO Is A Scam
Selling you the fantasy that somehow your product is popular but your website isn't.
Windows Is Free For Business
Beating the point to death, with a final essay on the myth that business is somehow above software piracy.
No Really - Windows Is Free
Answering some questions people had about my premise that software piracy is an asset to large software providers.
Windows Is Free
How software piracy keeps Microsoft in business.